Catipalism

• Me: Okay, time to leave for work.
• Cat: No! You don't have to leave! You have to pet me.
• Me: Sorry cat, it's how I make money to buy you kibble and treats.
• Cat: But look how cute I am! You don't have to leave because I'm so adorable!
• Me: Sadly, that's not how this works.
• Cat: BUT WAIT. Look at how long I am! You do not have to leave because I'm soooooooo long.
• Me: You are indeed very long. But I have to leave to get to work on time.
• Cat: NOPE. You don't have to leave because I am so LOUD! HEAR HOW LOUD I AM?! THAT'S THE SOUND OF YOU NOT HAVING TO LEAVE.
• Me: Still no.
• Cat:
• Me: Hey wait, what are you doing?
• Cat: Knocking things off the table. One by one. You do not have to leave because gravity!
• Me: I'm starting to think you don't understand capitalism.